There's no better way to get to know someone, than reading their thoughts. This here, is a testament of my life, through experience, I've attained knowledge and understanding. And to the best of my ability, and through observation, I'd like to share with you....life through my eyes...
..to love and be loved..there's no better gift..
_________________________________________ September 13,2010
I've lived my adult life, dedicating it to those whom I love. I've always felt content to put the needs of others before my own, and well...it was exhausting.
When do we draw the line and when does it become selfish?
I've always liked doing things for people. I live a simple lifestyle, my wants never exceed my needs, and I'm very independent. Prideful, some may say, but what I've learned is that "if you want things done properly, sometimes you've gotta do it yourself." This attitude has taken it's toll and has made me, not only O.C.D, but has worn me out emotionally, physically and mentally. There's always something that needs to be done, and not enough hours in the day to do them.
So beginning this new chapter in my life, I've realized that I've got to make some changes. Although it may sound selfish, I'm going to start taking care of my needs, my priorities before I dilvuge in helping others. I've invested too much time on assisting everyone else that I've neglected my own needs.
So step aside world....the old Emerjoy is out, and the new is in..
_________________________________________ ....sometimes you've gotta burn bridges, and learn to swim....
_________________________________________ ....Any fool can satisfy multiple women for a short period of time. It takes a real man to satisfy one woman for the rest of her life.....
...Reality vs Fantasy...
If you can still see the person you're with perfectly with all their imperfections, and still love them, then why do people feel the need to substitute what their partner lacks by paying attention to the superficial? Complicating? Yes! Common? DEFINITELY!
My theory is this, and correct me if I'm wrong. But The substitute, from observation, represents the "fantasy" factor in all relationships. Be it, man or woman. These superficial wants destroy the foundation of relationships whether intentional or not. Once figured out and pieced together by one of the partners, it enables the insecurities and doubts to come seeping in, and leads to the inevitabe question "am I good enough?"
How do we really determine whether or not we are good enough for someone, or vice versa? Is it based on how many times we or they re-visit fantasies? Or is it strictly based on the initial standardized expectations of what each individual contributes to the relationship?
We all live through lessons taught to us by our past, and gradually build what we would call "standards." In which some people be it in their adolescent years, or their adult years, still haven't defined. Are we not intelligent and responsible enough to set our standards at a respectable level, where it doesn't undermine the purest form of love that we posess in all reality? Is it really that impossible to have a fantasy that isn't so targeted to the opposite of what you already have, and just be content with it?
What I know is this...
The one thing that triggers insecurities and doubts, and it can be found in all relationships, is the amount of time they spend fantasizing about what isn't, as opposed to what is. This is where the 80/20 rule comes into play. To act as if the superficial is superior to the content of your reality, shows the brand of woman or man that you truly prefer. The more you think of what you don't have, the less you're able to appreciate what you do. Thus, resulting in resent and bitterness. The perfect equation to a broken relationship.
The only solution is dependent on the individual themselves. How can you expect to be truly happy, when your focused on what you don't have? It only patronizes and hurts the one you care about. Put yourself in their shoes for 5 minutes...how would you feel, being happy with someone, when it isn't you, making them happy? It's all about figuring out who you are and just setting standards for yourself. This knowledge may come with time and experience, but it's really quite simple. Society nowadays lacks standards. More and more people sell themselves short, and place themselves within a category made for the careless and immature. Are you in this category? Or are you in fact living up to the standards you've set for yourself?